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The Year of 2020: social distancing

This year was supposed to be special. It is the beginning of a new decade and a new chapter in everyone’s lives. We don’t know what the future holds for us, but this year was supposed to mark the beginning of a journey, a journey full of experiences, learning, growth and opportunities. I am aware that the year is not nearly close to an end, however, it certainly feels like all our plans for this year may be doomed.

This beginning of a new decade has actually been full of difficulties and negativity for everyone around the world. Although we are only in the fourth month of this year, it already seems like a lot has happened. This is a very difficult time for all of us as we are going through this global pandemic. We have been forced to implement voluntary quarantine and social isolation, and although we have the medium to use the internet and stay in touch with our loved ones, it is a basic tendency for most humans to still want human contact. Personally, I haven’t left my house in over 3 weeks and I really miss being able to go to the mall, or go out for lunch with my friends, or to go shopping. In fact, I have already thought about what it is that I am going to do when this situation is over. Times like these have really helped me realize how genuinely privileged I am to be able to stay at home surrounded by family and although this is a global crisis, I feel like we should certainly be counting our blessings.

A lot of people will say that now is the time where we can be productive and we can use this time to learn a new skill, to workout and to gain more knowledge about things, however, I believe that everyone has their own ways of dealing with situations. This is something that all of us are experiencing for the first time, we have no prior knowledge of what is the best way that each individual should get through this time. Some of them may prefer working out, while others may prefer to lay in bed and binge watch shows like there’s no tomorrow. Some of us might use this time to be with our loved ones, while others may lock themselves up in their rooms. The point is, everyone is going through this situation in completely different scenarios. Every household has a different situation, hence allowing each one of us to find the best way for ourselves to get through this time.

The way that fits me best to get through this pandemic is to submerge myself in things that don’t even let me realize how much time has passed. Hence, I read books, binge watch shows and help out with chores at home. I also try to stay in touch with my friends through video calling as this helps us feel like we are not alone in this. These are a few ways in which I believe I can stay sane at a time like this.

I am writing a blog after a year now and the way I see it, a lot has changed since then. I hope everyone is taking this very seriously and is practicing social distancing. This situation has definitely made us realize that anything can change in a single moment, however, I believe that all of this will be over soon and that we will be able to get back to our lives. Until then, let’s hang in there and make sure we do what’s best for us.

Self-worth? Am I worthy? Self-acceptance?

What is self-worth? How do we feel worthy? How do we feel significant?

By validation.

Validation- probably the worst thing that one could ask others for.

I speak from personal experience when I say that sometimes, nothing and no one can make you feel confident and significant, the only way to feel that way is by accepting yourself and loving yourself. To develop self-confidence is to develop self-love. It is the most essential relationship you could have.

We often feel compelled to do things in life that would make us look good in front of others. This social pressure leads towards making huge and unnecessary purchases, constant social media updates and they make us feel like we are not doing enough. Emotions like jealousy often come into play when we see someone around us being praised for things that you probably inspired them to do and this is usually when we start to feel worthless.

I know I have felt compelled to get into a lot of activities just so that I could prove to some irrelevant people that I am good enough, that I am worthy of their praise and that I can do something. But the longer I kept this up, the more clarity I got on the subject of self-worth. I guess the bottom line is, no matter what you do, no matter what people say, you will never feel good enough if you don’t accept who you are. Everyone is special in their own way, I was reminded of that recently by someone very dear to me.

When I made a post at the beginning of this lockdown, I had mentioned how we shouldn’t really focus on what others are doing, we should take this at our own pace and make our own comfortable routines. However, as this particular period of covid-19 kept proceeding, I saw how productive people were around me and it started to make me feel unworthy, it made me feel like I was wasting a lot of time and that I had to do something in order to show people that I am not wasting my time.

Truth be told, this quarantine hasn’t been a good time for me, of course it hasn’t been a good time for anybody, but I am someone who doesn’t complain about things that often and right now I’d really like to complain about how awful this situation is. While I was dealing with all this, being productive wasn’t on my mind. Then I saw all these posts on social media where people in my life were being so productive. They were cooking and working out and posting amazing content on their profiles. It made me feel like I wasn’t doing enough. It made me feel like I had to succumb to this social pressure of doing something and posting it on Instagram just so that I could show people that I am worthy, which inspired me to write this post.

I don’t have a lot of readers on this blog, but even if this post comes through to one person who feels like they’re not doing enough, all I want to say is that forget what anybody else says, don’t pay attention to whay anyone else is doing. We should only focus on doing things that we like and that make us happy. Of course we should indulge in our hobbies, but that doesn’t mean we should just binge watch all day or play on our PlayStation 24/7. But we should definitely work on ourselves, our hobbies. We should spend some time with our families and definitely take some time off of social media.

I hope that this post inspires you to not succumb to social pressure and to start accepting who you are. It is very important to be comfortable with yourself, to be so confident and secure with all your imperfections. Everyone has insecurities, but we should try and overcome them, we should try to love everything about ourselves.

Please take care and stay safe, times are tough but please don’t lose hope. Better days are coming soon, we just need to have faith and have patience. We should remember that even when circumstances are this tough, the sky is the limit for us. We as human beings have infinite potential and we should never let something like jealousy or pressure get in the way of how we look at ourselves. We should learn to believe in ourselves.

Your Time Is Precious.

People living in metropolitan cities would certainly agree with the fact that there is too little time, and too much work to do. The city I live in, takes up most of our time in travelling. As students, we have so much going on in our lives. Assignments, revision, preparation, extra-curricular activities and of course, parties, hanging out with friends and making memories. Sometimes, 24 hours are too less to do everything. Of course, the solution to this is learning an effective way of time-management, but that is not as easy as it sounds. It requires serious dedication, and absolutely no procrastination. Everything in life requires serious dedication, and for a very long time, I failed to understand that.
I failed to understand how precious my time is, how limited my time is. The concept of time, is very subjective. All of us choose to spend it in our own way. Sometimes we want it to rush, and sometimes we hope it stays. It is a very funny thing, it teases you, and certainly tests you. It never slows down when you want it to, it never speeds up when you want it to. It has the power to build you, and to destroy you. If you don’t use it correctly, it ends up using you.
Some people may believe, that the best way to spend your time is by doing something productive, that also makes you happy. But in today’s world, not everybody links productivity with happiness. I don’t either. This definitely has an impact on how productive I am being (or not being).
Another great way to spend your time, is by spending it with the people you love. The time you spend with a person, present with them, living in that moment, that time will forever be etched in your memory. You have the power to freeze it. It can make you realize what you have and what you lost, it can also tell you what you can have and what you might lose. Time also has the power to heal. It heals wounds and situations. Some situations may take up a lot of your time, while others may not.
Like I said, time is a very subjective topic. Everyone has their own meaning of time. For me, time is something that either passes by, or that doesn’t. But it is also something that I can’t waste. I don’t have that liberty, none of us do. Learning to respect your time, as well as someone else’s is so important. You may deeply invest yourself into a person, spend your time with them, spend it thinking about them, and they could still disrespect it all and walk out. But the universe has its own ways, and karma takes care of everyone who does you wrong.

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The only thing we should do, no matter what the circumstance are, is never forget to be kind, respectful of another person and their time, and to have gratitude for every second they spend with you, think about you and care about you. Time respects you if you respect it and cherish it. We may think we have a long life ahead of us, but it will pass us by so quickly, and these things are usually said by all those who have already lived most of their lives, however, we need to certainly understand and imbibe what they say . We need to say all the things that we don’t, we need to try out new cuisines, travel to new places, gain new experiences. We need to make the most of our very limited time, we need to learn to not take it for granted. We need to stop wasting it on things that make us unhappy, we need to follow our passion and have the courage to do so, because there is too much to do, and too little time.

they say time flies,
it passes you by,
with the blink of an eye.
here i am,
blinking profusely,
urging time to pass me by.
i stand here today,
with a lot of hope in my heart,
it takes a lot of courage to stay,
to wait for a better day.
i am tired of being here,
where time allegedly passes you by.
i am tired of being here,
where there are no tears left to cry.
i am tired of feeling numb,
it’s sad how i can’t express my love,
my anger and my hurt.
how can i change this?
how can i attain joy?
how can i let things go?
they say all you have to do, is wait for time to pass you by.

Book Review: Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater.

Genre:- YA, Romance, Fantasy.

This book is the first book in The Wolves of Mercy Falls Trilogy. The book entails the story of Grace Brisbane and Sam Roth. Grace has been watching the wolves in her woods for years now, especially since she was bitten by one when she was young. But there is one wolf that has her special attention, the wolf with the yellow eyes.

Meanwhile, Sam Roth has been leading two lives, one where he is a werewolf during the winter, and one where he is human in summer. In this story, Grace meets the human version of her wolf, somebody she has always been in love with. Only this year seems to be his last year as human and it’s upto Grace to find a cure and to keep him human forever.

I purchased this book because I have always been a big fan of such stories that involve werewolves. It’s safe to say that I am a fan of werewolves and vampires alike. What I really like about this book is that it’s been told in two perspectives, that is, Sam and Grace. This way we always know what both of them are feeling. The story also focuses on Grace’s family as well as Sam’s pack of wolf and the sheer difference between the two. The difference between how both of them were raised. It also talks about child abuse in the worst way.

I believe this book is more than a love story because it has so many underlying issues that it considers, that makes this book worth reading. I’d definitely recommend it to anyone who enjoys reading YA and Fantasy.

Gratitude.

Before I started writing this blog, I was just telling a friend how I can’t think of anything to write about. I am writing after a really long time and I want to write about something that is great and I want it to reach people. Of course I want the views too. But amidst all of this, I just realized that more than the views, it’s important that at least one person reading this would gain something out of it. To all those people who would read this and say that I am too mature for my age and that I sound like a grandmother giving life lessons to kids, you should stop reading here. The rest of you who are here to support me and possibly gain something out of this, I am grateful that you are here.

While we all are busy chasing things in life, we forget the importance of gratitude. It may seem like a small thing but it is not. A simple ‘thank you’ to a delivery man might just make his day. In small moments like these, where we feel that these things don’t matter, we all need to realize that they do. Most of my posts are about my beliefs and my opinions on certain things. They are highly personal and subjective, but I still have so many people reading these posts and for that I would like to thank you all!

Also, this is what today’s post about. Being grateful and showing gratitude. We all have this one person in our life, whom we don’t really see. We take them for granted. They are like our own personal cheerleading squad. When we do something great, they are here to celebrate with us and tell us how they are very proud of us. When we are feeling very low and have lost all faith in ourselves, they are still here, cheering us on, reminding us of our greatness and all our strengths. They are always here. Sometimes we find them annoying, we may call them extra emotional or too clingy. However, we fail to realize that this person gives all that they have, to make us feel good about ourselves. We are often busy trying to gain somebody else’s attention, somebody who probably doesn’t like us, probably doesn’t want us around and probably isn’t interested in reciprocating the same kind of affection that we have for them. We are their cheerleading squad and they don’t see us either.

So here we are, feeling undesirable, thinking about what all we could have done to gain this person’s attention, forgetting about all the attention that we are receiving from our own cheerleaders. Forgetting about all the kind words that we receive and about how we easily dismiss their opinions. It is so important to be grateful for those people, who give their all for you. They truly are a blessing.

I myself have realized that I have a cheerleader, I have many. While I did disregarded their opinions and lost one or two cheerleaders in the process, I also learned to value each and every individual who has made me a better person by being in my life. All my friends who keep cheering me on and rooting for me, reminding me of my potential, celebrating my victories and holding me steady when I can’t do that myself, I want to thank each and everyone of you.

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A Review on Turtles All The Way Down.

Sixteen-year-old Aza never intended to pursue the mystery of fugitive billionaire Russell Pickett, but there’s a hundred-thousand-dollar reward at stake and her Best and Most Fearless Friend, Daisy, is eager to investigate. So together they navigate the short distance and broad divides that separate them from Russell Picketts’s son, Davis. Aza is trying. She is trying to be a good daughter, a good friend, a good student and maybe even a good detective, while also living within her ever-tightening spiral of her own thoughts.

Genres: YA, Fiction, Contemporary

Turtles All The Way down is written by John Green. I had this book on my shelf for a couple of months before I actually read it. It has been a few weeks since I finished reading it too and so the story line is not at all fresh in my memory. But I remember it was mostly around Aza and her mental illness. The way it used to keep her from doing things and eventually she found a way to deal with them. All of this happens while Aza and her best friend Daisy are on a journey to solve a mystery. I definitely enjoyed reading this book because it showed how there was a change in the characters. I could see the growth in their personalities by the time this book ended and that really did mean something.
I personally can’t relate to Aza’s mental illness. In the book it is shown that she keeps on having scary thoughts about bacteria. It really is a spiral. Her thoughts are extremely intrusive and can keep her from doing the most basic things in life. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone, and the sad truth is that it does exist and people go through the same.

I would definitely recommend everyone to give it a read, it is an absolutely lovely book. John Green is a great writer. The first book that I read by him was The Fault In Our Stars, it is a tragic love story but it’s my all time favorite. A lot of people absolutely loved Looking For Alaska but I couldn’t even bring myself to finish it. An Abundance of Katherines was a good and a quick read. Sometimes his stories tend to disappoint me, however this one didn’t. I can definitely say that I would always read all the books that he publishes because he is one of those writers who make you fall in love with the words more than the story itself.

New Year and a new TBR List!

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The year of 2019 is here! For me, a new year always brings a new set of personal goals that I like to accomplish. However, by the end of the year I end up forgetting what those goals are. Halfway through the year, there is a major change that every student faces, a change in their academic year. This change is something that I dread, and yet look forward to. My personal goal for this year is to have more self-control and consistency. As for my reading goal, I can list down a few books that I definitely want to read, however, I can’t guarantee you that I will read them for sure. On the Goodreads app, I have challenged myself to read at least 15 books this year. I definitely want to read more than that but I know myself and I know that there is always a chance of me getting carried away by TV shows.
Here’s the list:-

Linger(The Wolves of Mercy Falls #2) by Maggie Stiefvater
Forever( The Wolves of Mercy Falls #3) by Maggie Stiefvater
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
Puddin’ by Julie Murphy
Ramona Blue by Julie Murphy
One Plus One by Jojo Moyes
Throne of Glass by Sarah. J Mass
The New Human Revolution volume 25 by Daisaku Ikeda
The Selection by Kiera Cass
The Silent Widow by Sidney Sheldon
Come Sundown by Nora Roberts
Persuasion by Jane Austen
Landline by Rainbow Rowell
War and Peace by Leo Tolstoy

The reason why I want to read book number 1 and 2 is because I read the first part of this trilogy which is called Shiver, I absolutely loved the way it was written. Moreover, I am actually really inclined towards supernatural stories. I love this show called The Vampire Diaries, I love the Twilight series (the movies, obviously) and so I developed an interest towards reading this book as well. I definitely want to finish War and Peace this year, I have heard amazing things about it and it would make me so happy to finish reading the big fat 1000+ pages book which has been in my shelf for so long. I have picked it up a lot of times, read a few pages and then I moved to another book.

I have listed only 14 books here, but I am waiting for a list of books that I can read to gain more knowledge on the subconscious mind and I will definitely try to read one or two books on the same. I hope I accomplish my goal for this year and not deviate.

Happy new year to all of you! Happy reading! 🙂

New Beginnings…

Less than a week for this year to come to an end. Less than a week and 2018 will be past tense. For some of you, this year must have been very eventful, you must have learned new things about places or people around you. You may have discovered a new hobby, or maybe came across a life hack that changed your life forever. For the rest of you, this year may have been a very quiet one. It was a quiet one for me. It felt like everything had come to a standstill, there is nothing interesting happening, and life was repetitive and wearisome. More than people or things, I had turned to books and shows to get my happiness. I had a lack of human communication, even when I would spend the whole day at school and in extracurricular activities. Externally, it seemed like everything was fine. In that moment, I felt fine. I would laugh and smile and still do the things that I normally would. On my days off, I found myself locked up in my room, wasting my time and doing only as much work as was necessary. Now that I think of it, I wasted a whole year.
But at the same time I got back to a lot of things. My faith grew stronger, I started writing again, I discovered the importance of will power and the importance of faith. My faith is what got me here. I made a few new friends, some of which will always be special to me no matter what happens in the future. (you know who you are, you should smile now 🙂 )
This year, it felt like I found myself. I know my boundaries, I know when to push myself and when not to. I know what kind of people I want in my life, I got rid of all the fake people who only spread negative energy around me. I found myself.
When I started to write this particular blog post (10 minutes ago), I thought that I would be complaining about the kind of uneventful year I had. But I had a change of heart as I realized what all it is that I have done this year.

I would also like to tell you all about this movie that I watched named Dumplin’ which is based on the book written by Julie Murphy. I loved reading that book, and I also liked the movie. It is all about how important it is for one to figure out themselves and love themselves. It is a story that empowers you and makes you believe that you don’t need anybody else to make you feel validated. I feel like I have finally started this journey and I think that a part of me will always remember what this year was like.
Also, updates on reading list, I guess the number of books that I read in 2018 will be eleven only because I haven’t had the chance to read anything at all!

Books I Read in 2018!

When I started this blog, my main aim was to talk about the one true source of my happiness:books.

But as you all can see, I got a bit carried away by talking about reality or imagination, and my dreams and aspirations. But finally, I am back to talking about books. Since the year is coming to an end, I thought it will be a good idea to tell you all what are the books I read this past year. When this year had just begun, I told myself that I want to read a lot of books this year. I had planned on reading at least two books per month. My TBR list on Goodreads has over a 100 books on it (I will be sharing those in the next post). Needless to say, I couldn’t complete my target of reading even 2 books per month and I feel really bad about it(I got carried away by TV shows.) But here are the books that I did read this year:

This Is Not Your Story by Savi Sharma
The Boy With A Broken Heart by Durjoy Datta
Everything, Everything by Nicola Yoon
An Abundance of Katherines by John Green
The Giver by Lowis Lowry
If I Stay by Gayle Forman
Shiver by Maggie Stiefvater
Unrivaled by Alyson Noel
P.S. I Love You by Cecilia Ahern
Still me by Jojo Moyes
Turtles All The Way Down by John Green. These were the eleven books that I read, but there are still a few days left for this year to end and I might finish my twelfth book.

Dreams and Aspirations; So Much to Look Forward to.

Growing up, we all have thought of numerous things that we want to become. I clearly remember what my 5-year-old self dreamed of being in the future. Like every other child, I wanted to become a teacher. I remember pretending to be a teacher and shouting at my fake students for not being present at school and not completing their homework. I used to copy my teacher’s mannerisms and repeat the statements used by them. I also remember wanting to become a doctor once. But as I grew up, I realized that spending so many years studying science is not something I want to do. Also, I am too sensitive to deal with blood and needles.

Needless to say, there were few more things that I aspired to become. I wanted to be a pilot once, and an air hostess too. I wanted to be a writer once, and work in a publishing house too. Eventually after wanting to fulfill all these dreams, I realized that I never have to pick one. I can simply choose to do more than one thing at one point of time. This year, when I was introduced to Psychology as a subject, I realized that I might be interested in being a doctor after all. But I am also interested in writing, I love reading and I would definitely love to be paid for it by working in a publishing house. I also dreamed of working in movies, but turns out that dream might be way out of reach.

I wanted to become so many things, and right now I think that I have it all planned out. I think that I know for sure that I want to become a psychologist and that I want to continue writing. But I am too young and I know I have a long way to go. I might have a change of plan, I might end up doing something completely different. I still want to do so many things, even when I am at a point where I need to start making decisions about my future. But isn’t that what makes life interesting? The unpredictability of it?

I believe that choosing one thing, or settling down for one thing is undermining your own potential. So I know, that whatever I do in the future, I will make sure that it makes me happy and keeps pushing me to use my full potential. I want to have that feeling of fulfillment, the kind a person feels on completing a task, achieving a goal, finishing a book or pushing themselves beyond their limits.

This makes me feel like there is so much to look forward to, that today is just another day that passed by, bringing me closer to this feeling of fulfillment. Although more than the feeling of fulfillment, I am looking forward to the difficult journey that will take me there. The hard work, the time and the efforts that I will put in, in order to achieve my dreams and aspirations.
There is so much to look forward to..